Let me distract you for a moment and tell you four short stories.

These are old stories – familiar stories.  The people and the circumstances differ slightly for everyone who tells them, but the core lessons remain the same.

I hope the twist we’ve put on them here inspires you to think differently…

Story #1:  All the Difference in The World

Every Sunday morning I take a light jog around a park near my home.  There’s a lake located in one corner of the park.  Each time I jog by this lake, I see the same elderly woman sitting at the water’s edge with a small metal cage sitting beside her.

This past Sunday my curiosity got the best of me, so I stopped jogging and walked over to her.  As I got closer, I realized that the metal cage was in fact a small trap.  There were three turtles, unharmed, slowly walking around the base of the trap.  She had a fourth turtle in her lap that she was carefully scrubbing with a spongy brush.

“Hello,” I said.  “I see you here every Sunday morning.  If you don’t mind my nosiness, I’d love to know what you’re doing with these turtles.”

She smiled.  “I’m cleaning off their shells,” she replied.  “Anything on a turtle’s shell, like algae or scum, reduces the turtle’s ability to absorb heat and impedes its ability to swim.  It can also corrode and weaken the shell over time.”

“Wow!  That’s really nice of you!” I exclaimed.

She went on: “I spend a couple of hours each Sunday morning, relaxing by this lake and helping these little guys out.  It’s my own strange way of making a difference.”

“But don’t most freshwater turtles live their whole lives with algae and scum hanging from their shells?” I asked.

“Yep, sadly, they do,” she replied.

I scratched my head.  “Well then, don’t you think your time could be better spent?  I mean, I think your efforts are kind and all, but there are fresh water turtles living in lakes all around the world.  And 99% of these turtles don’t have kind people like you to help them clean off their shells.  So, no offense… but how exactly are your localized efforts here truly making a difference?”

The woman giggled aloud.  She then looked down at the turtle in her lap, scrubbed off the last piece of algae from its shell, and said, “Sweetie, if this little guy could talk, he’d tell you I just made all the difference in the world.”

The moral:  You can change the world – maybe not all at once, but one person, one animal, and one good deed at a time.  Wake up every morning and pretend like what you do makes a difference.  It does.

If you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.

So take a deep breath and stop asking…

1.  “Why don’t they like me?”

The worst misery and loneliness is to feel unsure of yourself – like everyone else is ahead of you somehow.  When you’re feeling insecure like this, you don’t notice the hundreds of people around you who accept you just the way you are.  All you notice are the few who don’t.

Don’t let your insecurities bully you into a corner.  Don’t be your own victim.  Forget whether or not everyone else likes you, and focus on loving yourselfmore.  Accept, define and believe in the person you are.  For once you sincerely do, so will the rest of the people in your life who truly matter to you.

2.  “What will they think?”

Here’s a wake-up call for you:  When you’re worried about what others think of you, you’re really just worried about what you think of yourself.

At times you may flatter yourself indirectly by thinking that every little fault you see in yourself is also present in the minds of everyone around you, as if these people are constantly contemplating your personal strengths and weaknesses.  But the truth is, 99.9% of the time, they aren’t.

And regardless of whether others are judging you or not, you can’t control what they think.  The only thing you can control is yourself.  Some people will look down on you for your decisions in life no matter what they are.  You can’t do anything about that.  The only thing you can do is live in such a way that brings peace to your own heart and mind.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

3.  “What’s missing?”

Sometimes your biggest source of unhappiness comes from the fact that you keep thinking about where else you could be or who else you would like to become, rather than appreciating where you are and who you are now, and how far you’ve come to make this moment true.

In other words, much of what you call “unhappiness” is really just dissatisfaction as a result of overlooking the beautiful aspects of your life that you take for granted every day.  So how about you flip this question around and ask yourself: “What do I have now that I will miss when it’s gone?”

4.  “What if I’m not good enough?”

A fear of being defeated is what warrants your defeat.  A fear of not being good enough is what guarantees that you never will be.

If you never pick up that keyboard, or pencil, or paintbrush, or whatever instrument you use to craft your work, because you’re afraid that someone else might do it better than you, your prediction will automatically come true.  Remember, defeat is not the worst of failures.  Not having tried at all is the as bad as it gets.

And as far as failure itself is concerned, you’re not obligated not to fail.  You’re obligated to keep trying – to do the best you can do every day.  That’s all.  And you’re always good enough to do that.

“Promise me that you will live and love to the point of tears.  That you will do something every day that moves you.  That you will become an expert at what truly matters,” my grandmother said to me just a few days before she passed.

Although she never clarified, specifically, what she wanted me to be an expert at, this advice has always stuck with me.   And over the years I’ve learned that, at the very least, it includes the following:

1.  Being unapologetically YOU.

To imitate others is to never truly live.  It’s like YOU never existed.

From now on, forget about what everyone else is doing.  Forget about what kind of person you think they want you to be and just be the most authentic version of the person you are.  Let who you are and what you believe shine through in every word you speak and every move you make.

Figure out which people you genuinely like, instead of which ones you want to like you.  Hang out with people you think are cool, instead of those you’d like to be considered cool by.  Get to know people by telling your own true stories and listening to theirs.  Do things because they interest you, not because you think they make you look interesting to someone else.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Living through love.

Every human thought, word and deed is based on fear or love.  Fear is an inner energy that contracts, closes down, draws in, hides, hoards and harms.  When you live through fear, you pull back from life.

Love is an inner energy that expands, opens up, sends out, reveals, shares and heals.  When you live through love, you open to all that life has to offer with passion and acceptance.

Love is risky.  Love is unsafe.  Love isn’t for the faint of heart.  Love takes courage.  And most importantly, love and fear can’t coexist.  Love means giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but knowing that there are far better things ahead than anything you’ve left behind.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

3.  Learning from mistakes.

Mistakes are part of life’s natural course.  Everyone makes mistakes; you are not immune.  The only question is:  Do you want them to help you or hurt you?  This decision is one of primary factors that defines your character.

If you lie about having made a mistake, then it can’t be corrected and it festers.  On the other hand, if you give up just because you made a mistake, even a big one, you will never get anywhere worth going in life.

Successful people learn from their mistakes.  By doing so, an error becomes the raw material out of which all future successes are invented.  Failure is not a crime.  The failure to learn from failure is.  Ultimately, mistakes are the price you pay for a full, rewarding life.

Letting go is difficult, but it’s something you constantly have to do as you live from one day to the next.  It’s a necessary process of adapting to the ever-changing environment you live in – leaving behind the old to make way for the new.

There are many reasons you may want to let go sooner rather than later.  Maybesomeone wants you to be someone you’re not, maybe you’ve had your trust broken too many times by the same person, or maybe you’ve simply been living a lifestyle that makes you unhappy.  The possibilities are obviously endless.

The idea of letting go can seem daunting, but it can be done if you approach letting go from an effective, creative perspective.  It’s not just telling yourself to “get your mind off of it by doing other things.”  That advice is too vague, and if it were that easy you’d already be doing it.

Let’s take a look at some unique approaches that work – ten unconventional ways to learn how to let go and move on with your life:

Final Reminder:  We just released the Audio Book for 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.  And we also have a limited time bundle of our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1.  Write down your troubles and torch them.

Pour your heart’s troubles out onto a sheet of paper, make a paper ball, and toss your troubles into a fire.  A very cliché movie-type scene is what I describe this as, but it provides an amazing sense of closure.  I’ve actually done this before during some very difficult times in my life.

I took my pain and bled honest thoughts into my writing.  I wrote words that I was too afraid to say out loud because I knew no one would get the chance to read it.  After that, I rolled them into a ball and tossed them all into a small backyard bonfire.

The key is to connect your sorrow to that sheet of paper as you toss it and watch it burn.  That’s you making the choice to move on.

2.  Sing your own feel-good song.

Literally, write your own lyrics to a feel-good song and start rocking.  You don’t have to be a talented singer or writer to do this.  Find some alone time and start singing like there’s no one listening (because there isn’t!)

Make the lyrics about how you’re going to move on from the struggles and become stronger tomorrow.  Or make it even cheesier on purpose so that every time you sing your song, you can smile and laugh.  It’s goofy fun and it’s great as a mood lifter.

You can also write lyrics to remind yourself that there are thousands of amazing things happening at this exact moment in time.  It will be the perfect pick-me-up.

Singing releases endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that can help you feel good.  So naturally you should sing your sorrows away, and associate your feel-good song with happiness and the perseverance of moving on.

3.  Flip a coin.

Play a game with yourself.  Heads you move on.  Tails you let go.  Every time you find yourself pondering about yesterday’s sorrows, you have to play this game.  Keep flipping the coin and repeat it in your head.  Heads you move on.  Tails you let go.  It might sound a little odd, but it’s a great reminder.

4. People-watch and be inspired.

Pick a comfortable place where there will be a lot of strangers walking around.  The park is the perfect setting for people watching.  As you people-watch, you have to keep one thing in mind:  Realize that every single person on this Earth is a complex character living out his or her own real life movie script.  They are the protagonists of their own story, each complete with their own set of ideas, struggles and choices that led them to where they are now.

They’re living an elaborate life filled with moments of celebration as well as hours of darkness, just like you.  You’re not alone in this world; we all work to move on from things every day.  Perhaps you’re just the background character in these stranger’s stories, but you’re definitely not alone in your struggles.

Your dignity may be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away unless you willingly surrender it.  It’s all about finding the strength to defend your boundaries.

The manipulators of the world will test you from time to time to see if you bend.  Don’t let them intimidate you.  When you catch them pushing on you, push back.  All it takes is once, and if they get away with pushing you around that once – if they know they can treat you like that – then it sets the pattern for the future.

You are stronger than them!  Stick up for yourself and stop tolerating…

1.  Bullying.

Bulling is not OK.  Period.  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground.  Don’t give them any leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your family and friends.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be cognizant of how the people closest to you treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them – whatever ittakes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.  (Angel and I cover this in detail in the Adversity and Relationships chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Physical abuse of any kind.

If you have survived the wrath of a physical abuser, and you tried to reconcile things… If you forgave, and you struggled, and even if the expression of your grief had you succumb to outbursts of anger… If you spent years hanging on to the notions of trust and faith, even after you knew in your heart that those beautiful intangibles, upon which love is built and sustained, would never be returned… And especially, if you stood up as the barrier between an abuser and someone else, and took the brunt of the abuse in their place…

You are a HERO.

But now it’s time to be the hero of your future.  Enough is enough!

Over the past decade Marc and I have dealt with several personal hardships of varying degrees, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, and an unexpected, breadwinning employment layoff.

These experiences were brutal.  Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked us down and off course for a period of time.  But when our time of mourning was over in each individual circumstance, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.

Here are some vital lessons we learned – ways to maintain peace of mind in tough times:

1.  Learn to trust yourself.

“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.  As you heal and grow, it will all work out.  Relax and trust yourself.”

Repeat that in your mind every morning.  Because the truth is, it all works out in the end.  Put your trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future.  Life will not forsake you.  Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run.

If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough.  In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.

2.  Focus on what you’re learning.

Mistakes and setbacks are simply a form of practice.

If the road is easy and free of bumps, you’re likely going the wrong way.  The bumps in the road teach you what you need to know to progress down a path that is all your own.  Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.  Sometimes you need to change a flat tire or two before you can move on.

Bottom line:  Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it.  To never struggle is to never grow.  There is no perfectly smooth road to anyplace worth going.

3.  Ease your expectations.

Life is under no obligation to give you exactly what you expect.  Whatever it is you’re seeking will rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting.  Don’t miss the silver lining because you were expecting gold.

You must see and accept things as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.  Just because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.

4.  Open up to someone you trust.

You aren’t alone; let someone special in when you’re in a dark place.  You know who this person is.  Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you.  Give them permission to stand beside you.  They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.

Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about our own situation, there is someone in your life who has dealt with similar emotions and who wants to help you.  When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie. 

For the longest time I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way.  I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes.  I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort.  I crafted limiting beliefs and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there.  And as I did all of this, I sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.

Obviously, I was very lost.

I began to turn things around about a decade ago when my stubborn habits led me into a chaotic argument with Angel.  As we both stared at each other through tears, she said, “Marc, you are the enemy – your enemy.  It’s your choices.  I can’t sympathize any longer.  You can choose differently if you want to, but you have to want to.  Please want to!”  And after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, a little sabbatical, and continuous support from a loving wife and a few close friends, I learned to choose differently and eventually found myself again.

I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – occasionally we all do.  Sometimes our thoughts and routine choices are our biggest enemies.  Which is why I want to remind you to beware of…

1.  Your expectation of constant contentment.

Nothing in life is constant.  There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness.  There are only the changes in our moods that continuously oscillate between these two extremes.

At any given moment we are comparing how we currently feel to how we felt at another time – comparing one level of our contentment to another.  In this way,those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal.  In other words, happiness and sadness need each other.  One reinforces the other.  Humans must know misery to identify times of elation.

The key is to focus on the good.  May you live each moment of your life consciously, and realize that all the happiness you seek is present if you are prepared to notice it.  If you are willing to appreciate that this moment is far better than it could have been, you will enjoy it more for what it truly is.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Growth chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Your obsession with examining personal failures.

Imagine being enrolled in five college classes in which you achieved one A, two B’s and two C’s.  Would you concentrate on the A or the C’s?  Would you berate yourself for falling short in the C classes?  Or would you capitalize on your obvious interest and aptitude in the subject matter of the A class?  I hope you realize the value of the latter.

Every morning when you wake up, think of three things that are going well in your life at the moment.  As you fall asleep every night, fill your mind with an appreciation for all the small things that went well during the day.  Examine your successes.

Give the power of your thinking to the positive influences in your life, and they will grow stronger and more influential every day.  Remind yourself often of what works well and why, and you’ll naturally find ways to make lots of other things work well too.  The most efficient way to enjoy more success in life is not to obsess yourself with what hasn’t worked in the past, but instead to extend and expand upon the success you already know.

3.  Your urge to surrender to the draw of comfort.

The most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort.  Why pursue growth when you already have 400 television channels and a recliner?  Just pass the chip dip and lose yourself in a trance.  WRONG!  That’s not living – that’s existing.  Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort.

Life is filled with questions, many of which don’t have an obvious or immediate answer.  It’s your willingness to ask these questions, and your courage to march confidently into the unknown in search of the answers, that gives life it’s meaning.

In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of your routines, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them.  It just depends on you mindset.  The obvious first step, though, is convincing yourself to step out of your comfort zone.

The morning is extremely important.  It is the foundation from which the rest of the day is built.  How you choose to spend your morning can often be used to accurately predict what kind of day you’re going to have.

Here’s how to make it a happy one…

Final Reminder:  We just released the Audio Book for 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.  And we also have a limited time bundle of our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1.  A calm awakening.

In the space between the edge of the night and the chaos of the day, you have a chance to make a special space for yourself.  In this space, thoughts and contentment neatly overlap, where past and future issues cease to exist, and time touches eternity.  Hovering about your mind, as you gently begin to stir, there are beautiful visions no one has ever seen and soothing harmonies no one has ever heard.

These first few moments of the day are sacred.  Savor them.  Protect them.  Awaken yourself peacefully, stretch fully and breathe deeply in them without rushing forward.  Give yourself this time as a gift, to simply be and feel alive, toconquer the anxiety of life, and live in the moment breath by breath.

2.  Meditate on the goodness.

Begin each day with love, grace, and gratitude.

When you arise in the morning, think of what a great privilege it is to be alive – to be, to see, to hear, to think, to love, to have something to look forward to.  Happiness is a big part of these little parts of your life; joy is simply the feeling of appreciating it.

Realize that it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.  Make a habit of noticing the goodness that’s already yours and you will see more of it every time you look for it. 

3.  Let go to begin anew.

Each new morning greets you with no restrictions except for the restrictions you place on it.

Don’t hold yourself hostage for the things that didn’t work out yesterday.  Don’t let your history interfere with your purpose today.  Let yesterday go.  Every morning is the start of a new day with no mistakes, just possibilities.

Release and renew.  Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.

4.  Be right where you are.

Live now.  Not before.  Not later.  Just NOW – in the moment you’re in.  Inhabit your morning completely.  Don’t rent it out to the past or the future.

Do you know what you’re doing to yourself when you wake up and start worrying about every other time and place?

You’re cheating yourself out of the moments we call “life.”  Your real life – the here and now – is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on another time and place, and so your life keeps dripping away moment by moment like fresh water down a dirty drain.  You wake up the next morning and all those priceless moments of your life are wasted and gone forever.  Some of those moments may have had magnificent experiences in store for you, but now you’ll never know…

Bottom line:  Don’t be so worried about what’s ahead of you and behind you that you never enjoy where you are.  Start your morning off right by paying full attention to it.

Life has no purpose; you have a purpose and you bring it to life.  There isn’t one big cosmic purpose for everyone either; there is only the one you give to yourself – a personal purpose, an individual meaning, a distinct plot to the story that is your life.  Often this plot is difficult to follow; yet it is never impossible to follow and it is worth every bit of effort you can muster.

Each moment, each situation, each turn of events presents you with an opportunity to build the self you are capable of being.  It’s just a matter of accepting opportunities, implementing ideas, taking action, and actively expressing the purpose that is uniquely YOU.

You are stronger than any barrier standing in your way, because you have a purpose that cannot be denied.  You can be adaptable, innovative, hard working and tenacious.  You can imagine the possibilities and then work to make them real.

Here are five life skills that will help you do just that – the real fundamentals of being an empowered, self-directed human being:

Final Reminder:  We just released the Audio Book for 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.  And we also have a limited time bundle of our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1.  Curiosity

Joy comes easy to us in our youth because we haven’t become set too firmly in our ways.  Our willingness to curiously assess new things and varying perspectives allows us to experience flashes of insight and beauty wherever we go.  Those of us who fight the draw of our comfort zones as we age, who sustain our curiosity into our later years, learn a lot more and see far more beauty throughout our lifetime.

Curiosity, after all, is the foundation of lifelong growth.  It allows us to retain a beginner’s mind even as our wisdom expands.  In this way, an enduring curiositypermits our hearts and minds to grow younger, not older every day.

Always remain curious and teachable.  Keep an open mind and do not stop questioning and learning.  Look forward, open new doors and experience new things.  Do so because you’re curious, and because you know that today’s journey is always just beginning.

2.  Creativity

When it comes to human growth, if curiosity is the engine, creativity is the steering wheel.  Creativity is the most powerful instrument of progress – a mindset that endows resources with a new capacity to create possibility and growth.

The world is moving so fast these days that those who say something can’t be done are often interrupted by those who are doing it.  This is precisely why it’s important to exercise your creative mind on a regular basis.  Ultimately, the creative learners inherit the world while the doubters and complacent minds find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists. 

Every experience – positive and negative, strength and weakness, love and hate, health and sickness – adds to your personal growth.  You will never be called upon to face any challenge which you do not possess the strength to overcome.

But there are great enemies: anxiety, fear, worry, etc.  These inner demons set up conditions which disturb and prevent the clear thinking you require.

Calmness, confidence, receptiveness – with these your spirit can flourish; with these you will find the answers you want from day to day, and even more importantly, you will find the right questions.

So when stress and unhappiness begins weighing down on you, take a deep breath, clear your mind and ask yourself…

Final Reminder:  We just released the Audio Book for 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.  And we also have a limited time bundle of our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1. “Should I turn around?” – Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path.  Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly okay.  U-turns are allowed in life.  Remember, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. 
   
2. “What makes me happy?” – Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.  Someday you will look back over your life and you will realize that the best moments – when you felt most alive – were the moments when you let your instincts and passions guide you.  If your passion takes you down a path few people travel, so be it.  Some people may ridicule you for being different and not living up to society’s standards, but deep down, some part of them wishes they had the courage to do the same.
3. “Is it time to write the next chapter?” – When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom, or criticize you, remember, they’re telling you their story, not yours.  It’s time to take your life back from the people and circumstances that are causing you pain and making you unhappy.  This is your life and you’re the author of your story.  If you’re feeling like you’ve been stuck in the same negative setting for too long, it’s time to start writing a new chapter of your life.
4. “What can I do now to change my situation?” – When you blame everyone and everything else, you give up your power to change.  So don’t get too upset with other people and peripheral situations.  They are powerless without your reaction.  Take full accountability of your life.  External forces may be able to knock you down on occasion, but keeping you there is a whole different ball game – keeping you there is a choice only you can make.